2019 End of the Year Recap
Looking back on 2019, I find myself looking back at my 2018 reflections and goals. My goal for 2019 was to live loved. Now that I reflect on that, I did live loved but not in the way I interpreted it. I thought that would mean, not to care so much about what people thought about me and to love myself for who I am…which along the 2019 journey I have had those breakthroughs, but that was not at all why God put that phrase in my heart for 2019.
What I found that living loved in 2019 meant for me was, realizing no matter how much I loved myself that was still going to be somewhat conditional. I would get mad at myself for mistakes that I had made. Would I learn from the mistakes, sure, but forgive myself not so much. I kept feeling God pulling me to learn how to live loved by Him! His love is not conditional. When I mess up or go left when God intended me to go right. Despite knowing there are going to be consequences for my actions, God is still going to love me no matter what, and nothing is going to take me out of that love. I have also started to see myself as God sees me. I am a child of the most high King. I was formed in his image and I am perfectly and wonderfully made.
Along with the revelation knowledge on living loved that has continued and will continue to come, 2019 was a year of incredible highs and some deep deep lows. Some of the highs were getting to spend some amazing quality time with my family this year, and welcoming new people into the family! Clay and I got to go on a bucket list trip to Iceland for our (early) wedding anniversary, which if you have ever thought about going to Iceland, all I can say is DO IT!!!! We got to see glaciers, waterfalls, lava rock fields, snow, snow and some more snow, beautiful snow covered mountains, hidden pools in the green valleys of yet more mountains and best of all three nights of Northern Lights and so much more! I have never been somewhere where every day was like being In a different country with the landscapes so vastly different from the day before.
2019 has also left some scars both mentally and physically. Only 5 days after we got back from our amazing trip to Iceland, I went in for a routine in and out surgery. Two days after that I started having a really high fever and was in sever pain and was admitted into the hospital and had to have an emergency surgery. I have been in the hospital before, but this time was really rough. I won’t go into a lot of detail, but I hit an all time low. I will say no matter how bad it was on any given day there in the hospital, the Nurses who took care of me where absolute angels! I am so thankful for all those wonderful women who saw me at my worst and treated me with such dignity, care and skill. I know I could not do what they do, and I cannot thank them enough for all they did for me while I was there! So a big THANK YOU to all the nurses of this world, you all are amazing!
Getting to come home was such a blessing, but still such a struggle. Being limited on what you can do and not having the energy that you normally do, for me was hard. Thankfully I have wonderful family who have prayed and been there to help me through all aspects of this recovery. The first few weeks, my Husband, Clay stayed at home with me and really took care of me. Not going to lie, 30 minute back rubs when I was not feeling good were the BEST, I think I might be addicted to them now lol! I still not at 100% but I would say I’m at 85% and striving to get back to normal!
The reflection word I am feeling for 2019 is “grateful”! I have such a deeper appreciation for those around me. I am so loved by God, my husband, my family and my friends. I am grateful for the growth that came in 2019, in my marriage, in my personal life and in business! I am so grateful for the wonderful bride’s and groom’s that I have met and got to serve and now get to call them friends! And I have am grateful for the friends that I have that have encourage me through out this year. I am alive and well, I get to walk, and run and reach out and touch the sky and cannot wait to see what 2020 brings.
Happy New Year to all of you, I hope 2020 brings tremendous blessings to all of you!